Your guide to ridiculous seasonal dating terminology

It’s November! What does that mean? Why, it’s “cuffing season” of course! No idea what that means? Sorry, you’re totally out of the loop. How could you ever survive without these incredibly important terms? Read ahead to fill yourself in, and choose your side carefully, you’re gonna be one or the other this winter! There’s some very serious and strict terminology surrounding your seasonal relationship habits… The question is, are you a serial-cuffer, a wannabe-cuffed-cuffer, an in-denial-scoffer, or maybe even a content scoffer? Check out our guide to ridiculous seasonal dating terminology:

Cuffer

Do you find yourself getting all glossy-eyed over those cutesy couple posts on Facebook? Do you have something like “now accepting applications for a winter spooning partner” on your Tinder? Face the facts, you’re definitely a cuffer. It’s getting colder, the nights are becoming longer, your summer partying is traded for spending 18 hours in your dressing gown and downing 12 gallons of Yorkshire Tea while watching re-runs of Come Dine with Me.

Wannabe-cuffed-but-not-cuffed-cuffer

Above: the wannabe-cuffed-but-not-cuffed-cuffer in her natural winter environment – I bet she’s searching for Dear John as we speak.

Feel that itch coming on? Oh yes, that’s the “cuffing season” taking its hold on you. Apparently, once winter sets in, being single is simply unbearable. It is the time for cuddling and pizza and Netflix nights with your boo. Quick, find your “cuff-friend” – it’s time to desperately scramble for a couple of months of wintertime loved-up mushiness, even if it’s just a temporary winter relationship. Get yourself on Ebae, before it’s too late and all the good cuffees are all already cuffed up. Yes, cuffing season is really serious business, whoever will you take to all those “bring a +1” Christmas parties?

Bitter scoffer

Above: here we see a classic case of a slightly bitter, slightly in-denial-scoffer exhibiting some of their common behaviours.

Yup, it’s confirmed, you’re a ‘scoffer’. I have absolutely no idea where this hilarious seasonal dating term came from, but apparently, according to my research, it is indeed a thing. More eloquently put, you might call a scoffer a “hesitant romantic”. Cuffers will look at you with pity as they talk about how their boo made them the BEST lasagne last night. The scoffer’s natural habitat is either at the club or laughing at the “desperate” cuffers over a glass of rosé while they sprawl across their single bed.

Contented scoffer

Above: here, we can see, a contented scoffer in her natural environment.

Do you have a “f*ck relationships” themed playlist that is at least 3 hours long? Do you listen to disproportionate amounts of Ariana Grande and Dua Lipa? Do you cringe at every loved-up mushy Instagram post and wince at the first hint of Christmas-time PDA? Do you tend to run for the hills when someone expresses interest in actually wanting to date you (not necessarily because of the red flags)?

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