Why you need to stop faking your orgasms

“I’ve never faked an orgasm, what’s the point?” I said matter-of-factly.

*Queue shocked stare from my girlfriends*. They all admitted they had faked numerous times in the past. Why? Well, the reasons were mostly down to two main points:
• Didn’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings.
• Were bored and wanted it over with.
• They felt they were taking “too long” to orgasm.

While I understand if you have ever faked your orgasm due to any of the above, none of these are good reasons to fake it (because there are no good reasons!). ‘Fake it till you make it’ is not a phrase that applies here.

Let’s address the ‘not wanting to hurt the partner’s feelings’. Ok. I get it. It can feel mean or harsh to ask your partner to switch up what they’re doing. But it’s really not. Sure, if you say “God you’re crap in bed, you’re doing it all wrong” then yeah, you’re probs going to be left to complete the O-mission by yourself. Instead, try things like “Can you do it like this?” or, “I really like it when you…” Or, “Like this” (show them). Don’t leave your partner in the dark (in fact, having the light on would also probably help…).

If you’re bored with the sex and want it to finish, then stop having sex. If you’re not in the mood or too tired, you need to tell them. If you’re drunk, tired, or stressed, you might just not be able to visit O-town that day, and that’s totally cool. Just be honest.

The reason I probably understand the most is feeling self-conscious about taking “too long”. I have felt this one too, and orgasm anxiety is extremely common. Girl, it’s a scientific fact that on average, women take 10-25 minutes to reach orgasm, whereas men take an average of 4 minutes. You’re not taking too long – it’s just biology. Relax, and try not to think about how long you’re taking, because it will only make it harder! Your partner shouldn’t care about spending 20 minutes to make you feel good, and if they make you feel bad for it, you’re better off with a vibrator.

Make sure you’re having protected sex! If you’re on the contraceptive pill, make sure you pay attention to any side effects.

Amy Smith

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