5 people you’ll find in every Freshers group chat

If you’ve tried to make contact with anyone heading to your uni recently, you’ll know that group chats are the preferred way of communication. ‘Shall I make a group chat?’ ‘Is there a group chat?’ ‘Can you add me to the group chat?’. Whether it’s for your halls or your course, there’s bound to be a group chat. And with every group chat comes a set of characters…

The one who’s apparently in charge

You’ll be added to the chat by this person, they’ll add you as a Facebook friend, and they’ll have (shock) made the chat itself. They’ll somehow have answers to any questions anyone has and will reply within 0.2 seconds to anything anyone says because apparently they never sleep or put their phone down. This person may also be the self-proclaimed team leader of your group-work project.

The one who’s full of questions

‘When’s everyone arriving?’ ‘Has anyone got the welcome pack yet?’ ‘Did anyone get this email?’ ‘What modules are people doing?’. Incapable of making a decision or finding anything out by themselves, this person is full of panic and ready to lapse into hysteria at any given moment. Someone will mention receiving an email about their timetable, and our question-asker will have a meltdown – ‘When did you get it??? What does it say? I didn’t get one????’ – before realising the original guy was sent a timetable for their Mathematics course while they themselves study Geography and received their own timetable three days ago.

The one who’s keen to ‘make themselves known’

You’ll be added to the chat and someone will welcome you with all the formality of a member of the British Airways cabin crew. ‘Hey! Nice to meet you. I’m [insert name here]. Are you studying Sociology too?’. They’ll then somehow turn the conversation into something about themselves, boasting of their three As at A-Level. If someone else dares mention that they got A*AA, they’ll be quick to demonstrate how they’re superior in some other way, or claim that ‘yeah I would have got A*A*A* actually but my goldfish died and I didn’t get mitigating circumstances which, was like, so unfair’.

The harmless ones

Tacking on a 😊 to the end of every single message, these people are the wholesome ones in the chat. Only responding when they know the answer to a question (but of course adding a disclaimer of ‘I’m not 100% sure though, does anyone else know for sure?) or else when they need to know something too (‘Yeah I was wondering that too actually!’), these people are the backbone of any Freshers group.

Ghosts

After about two days of struggling to make your voice heard above this cacophony, this will be you and the other 132 members of the chat. Never replying, never asking anything – only casting a wry eye over the conversation when you get bored or need to re-mute the chat.

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