5 types of boy you’ll see on Tinder

Bored at home and expanded your Tinder range to 9999+ miles? Same. Here’s every type of guy you’ll see on that weird and wonderful app (also: check out all the worst things they do on Tinder).

The softboi

Softboi’s pics are all on a 35mm film camera. Brunette with a curtain fringe. Dresses exclusively in flannels. Kind of like an upgraded hipster. Ten quid says he’s an English Literature student and will massively look down on you if you haven’t read The Communist Manifesto for fun. Topics of conversation include him, him, and him.

The techno head

First pic: Boomtown 2019, a pic of him in the crowd, jaw practically dislocated, gigantic pupils hidden by some hideous rave goggles. Second pic: Gottwood 2018, glitter smeared over his chest, again, sunnies hiding his pupils. His bio may as well say ‘I love drugs’ and, frankly, it’s a little cringe. He will try and show you the song ‘Glue’ by Bicep and will be genuinely surprised when you say you already know it.

The posh boy

Pics with mummy, pics on a yacht, pics up the Shard, pics on his country estate. Didn’t you already swipe past him on Bumble yesterday? You end up swiping right because of the gorgeous golden Labrador in his last pic. He’ll try and draw you in with his famous connections – ‘yaaaaaaaah I went to school with Piers Morgan’s son, actually’ – but you’ll soon realise this is really no substitute for a personality.

The unassuming guy

It’s a jarring one – he looks attractive, but all of his pics give off a weird energy. Few pics with friends too. He looks slightly different in all of his pics somehow. He has no bio. You’ll screenshot all his pics and send them to your friends – ‘is he good looking or is it just me???’. You’ll get a mix of yes’s and no’s. You’ll swipe right only to match three months later by which time you’ve already uninstalled the app.

The aggressively work-orientated one

His job title will be in his bio – it’ll be something odd which sounds impressive but probably isn’t. Something like ‘recruitment consultant’. Bonus points if he’s got the words ‘grind’ or ‘hustle’ in there too. All his pics are in suits and/or of that one time he went to Sheesh in Chigwell. At least you might get a good date out of it….?

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