Coping without them

So this time of year is always difficult for me, I have no blood family left and I have moved so far away from my foster family that trying to keep sane without them is difficult. It has been 2 years since I have seen them and now the plans to see them in february are cancelled due to finances so I am unlikely to see them for another year.

Friday is my birthday and I will be 22... young for some but I feel so old and so much stress is on top of my shoulders with Christmas coming up.

Chris family is coming up for a few days so he can see his family but that makes it a million times harder for me. I would give anything to see my family or foster family again and it's so hard not being able to.

I never got involved with Christmas when I was with my foster family as I was struggling missing my own and now I am here I regret wasting all those years I could have had a normal life. All I think about now is back to a time when I was at home and I could see my brothers and sisters open presents I got them and the adorable home made presents I would get from them (all of which I still have on a shelf).

It's strange how such a happy time, can make you feel so alone and empty.