A Quiet Late Night (Much Needed) Moan
I apologise for my lack of interaction of late but I've been busy and I feel like now is the time to have a public rant before I potentially fix all of my problems on Monday. Hopefully. Before I start, everyone that knows me well enough knows that I love music thoroughly, generally. Recently, I've been lacking motivation mostly because of conditions at college (I believe I managed to correctly rule it down to this) it's not the equipment, it's not the staff but the lack of enthusiasm. My course has slowly dwindled over the time it has been running and I mean from the very beginning of year one. We started with around fifteen of us which minimised to nine and then shrunk further to severn, now potentially six for the second year. Not having many other students to motivate me makes things hard and often I become the problem solver or rather, I'm the one that is asked how we do a particular assignment. It does't bother me and I quite like the role of leadership but I still have my own work that I need to guide myself through and being almost constantly disturbed by focusing on other peoples work upsets such activity. I'm currently behind on my Realise project and I'm not sure if I care any more. I mean, I know I do just obviously no where near as much as before.
This year is hard and has been made more stressful by being forced to branch out; something I never thought I would do. Now, this is becoming stressful and I feel like I just need many weeks away from everything. I have received an offer from NTU for a BA Top Up in Music Performance and a rather more obnoxious offer from DMU which completely squashes the HND qualification I will have achieved by June this year. This is the problem I'm having to fix on Monday which if they can't fix it for me and I'm unable to get a suitable offer I may have to take a gap year which, in fairness would benefit me financially. God, I miss having money and not being able to spend it due to working so hard and then complaining about working so hard. Those were the days. I've spent too much recently mostly on equipment for the band and my realise project. So, going back to my Uni work... if I can put money towards it where has my motivation gone? In my purse? Maybe, I haven't quite worked this out and I'm just brilliant at spending money.