It's 1:47 am, I'm two beers in and I just can't sleep for some reason. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I just keep thinking of weird big picture stuff and the future and how scary it all can seem. Uncertainty is both gripping and terrifying. It's weird to witness it's compelling and enticing to watch.It makes you want to know more but the reality is scary as hell. Life throws a lot of curve balls and I won't go into detail it can range from unemployment to finding yourself single, simple things like self-doubt, maybe your just in a rut and don't know how to get out of it. I don't have the answers but it's good to talk to people to feel what your feeling and be whatever it is you are at that moment, happy, sad, indifferent. It's all part of life.
Not being all doom and gloom. But there are some things at least I firmly believe, the whole stiff upper lip thing is bull, when people say cheer up it could be worse isn't helping anyone other than the person saying it. When you're feeling down you have the right to break down for a bit. Be it drinking, eating, crying or just watching sad movies and listening to sad music. That said it's important you get to the root of why your feeling that way. Truth be told I'm probably up because I know my work contract ends at the end of the week and uni starts up soon after so I'll be job hunting and focusing on my studies so stress is imminent. It's not even probably being honest with myself that is why. It's the work it's how big London is and when your away from home how lonely it can feel, it's having this self-doubt that I'll somehow screw up uni and royally fuck my life. Now I know it's not a big thing if anything it's a common thing and that's why I know I'll be ok but that feeling is still there and it's important to feel that. Feeling bad often leads to feeling better. Not every time as I said life throws some stuff you just aren't prepared for but I know this soon shall pass and I'll dust myself off and continue on my journey. I'm not sure why I'm sharing like this, I just think it's good to talk and feel and address what it is that's got a hold of you.
I'm sure some of you have your own battles you're fighting, real ones, loneliness, fear and anticipation of what's to come. But you'll fight them none the less and you'll have the embrace of friends and family to support you when you come out the other side win or lose. That's something to be grateful for in hindsight, I'll be ok and so will you scars and all. And we'll be better for it in the end.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to indulge my ramblings I had to just let my brain spill into words.
Take it easy.