Going to university whilst dealing with trauma
Going back into education was not an easy choice. The whole environment is extremely triggering to be in and very few places feel safe.
I was sexually abused at school by teacher. I don't think many girls get through high school without some experience of sexual harassment. And then there were a few isolated instances at college and my original attempt at uni from teachers.
When I went back to college to retrain as a therapist, I thought I would feel safe despite having experienced rape on campus but my attacker now worked on the site. Week after week i would have to manage ptsd symptoms before even entering the lesson.
It's not possible to retain information in traumatised state
So far my experience has been a safe one at uni but I'm on hyper alert mode. Some days I can't face going in because I don't want to be triggered. If it's not on campus then it's via nightmares.
This isn't my usual kind of post. I usually try to make some kind of point or show a solution and be positive. Today I'm just struggling because I feel so disappointed in myself. I wanted to try so much harder this year and have full attendance but it is proving really difficult.
Harvey Weinstein case has brought up a lot of stuff for me. Being at uni and trying to get used to new people and new lecturers. Dealing with some semi related poop in therapy. It is just so much to deal with. So I'm like a different person each day and some days I can get out of bed and I can go to uni and I won't think about potential threats and these days will be awesome. Other days I wish I could drive up to the front door and invisibly get to classroom because I feel so exposed and vulnerable.